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Sage's Story - By Harlequin AKA Yuki   
09:47pm 05/07/2006

Prologue: The Secret

The world was dark. It had been dark for days now. There was no windows in this horrible room that he was trapped in. He couldn’t feel himself, or anything around him. Nothing stirred. All was blackness. He could hear breathing, but did not know from where the breath came. They sounded almost scared, as if they were waiting in hiding, praying not to be found. He had tried looking for the poor soul, but it was so dark, and he felt like he couldn’t move. Where ever he was, he was stuck. His center of gravity was tottering; one moment he felt upright, the next it was as if he had been tipped upside down… but how could that be? He wasn’t even moving. It was strange.
For a moment, the sound of the breathing stopped. The sudden ceasing of the noise caused him to panic, and he noticed that he had stopped breathing as well. Slowly, he let the breath out of his lungs and heard it echo in the darkness that enveloped him. Again, he breathed in.
There was the noise again.
He breathed out.
The echo came.
He stopped breathing.
It vanished.
This breath… this breath was his own.

Chapter One: The Question

What happens when something great passes right by you in your life, and you don’t even notice it? What happens…when you are too late? Now was his time to find out, as he was kneeling upon the cold ground, liquid spilling onto his clothes. It was so thick, and so very red. Looking down at the paled face of the girl he had failed, he felt the tears begin to arrive, but the weakened state she was in needed no help. Here she was, in his arms, bleeding… and what was worse--it was for him. Her breathing was erratic and her fragile form was shaking, but somehow she managed to keep a hazed smile upon her lips. Something about it seemed so wrong; shouldn’t she be panicking? Shouldn’t she be crying, begging to be spared by whatever it was that was beyond life? Perhaps he was doing enough silent begging for her that she did not attempt it, with her modicum of strength. Sagenai felt himself purse his lips together, trying to fight the tingle of tears that threatened to wrack his entire form, but it was no use; they would come. He could see the blur in his vision, he could feel the sting in his gray-blue eyes. He tried desperately to make himself calm, to make his breathing steady.
And then he felt her hand against his cheek. The touch was weak, so weak that he felt a hot sting of pain at the thought of it. She had been so strong, and now she withered as if she had never meant anything. The smile was still upon her lips, and though he could hardly find it in himself, he tried his hardest to smile back. He imagined it was a sad attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. He was afraid to hold her, that he might shatter her with the most gentle of touches. She used to be so warm…but that was all gone now. Words had somehow found their way past her lips, quiet, but somehow audible.
“Dear, my love…”
He wanted to tell her no, to stop. He wanted to tell her she needed to hold on to all the energy she had so that he might save her. Yet, he couldn’t. Her voice captivated him with ease, just as it always had, even at the weak volume that it stood. He felt the tears roll down, and for the first time, he knew he was experiencing a pure sadness.
He heard her exhale. It was so broken… He felt like a child, kneeling before a crystal stream, trying to cup the water in his hands and watching sadly as it all ran right between his fingers.
“Please… please, no…” It was all he could think to say. “Please… please…no…” He was struggling with himself; he couldn’t get anything else to come out. Her eyes appeared so deeply sorrowful for him. Nothing he could think of, seemed good enough to speak to her. “I’m so sorry… please…” he just wanted it to all stop. To go back. To do it all over. Why hadn’t he noticed her? He had something right in front of him, the entire time but he fell for the trickery of another and in the end it had gotten him nothing. Nothing but lost.
“You didn’t deserve this. You shouldn’t have followed me…”
“You are the only one I follow, Sage.”
“No. No, you shouldn’t have. Look what it’s gotten us…”
“Freedom, Sage. I will die. I know. But…I won’t hurt anymore.”
“I did this to you…”
“If you mean freed me… yes…yes, Sage, you did.”
He felt the anger well up. “Freed you?! I have done no such thing! I have caused you nothing but pain! Don’t you see that?! Don’t you?!” He found himself shaking her in his rage, the tears falling freely now. “How can you make light of this?!” She was so limp in his hands. She offered no noise, even as he shook her. Her eyes glazed a little more and Sage felt himself wilt against her, eyes closed tightly, but only for a moment. He didn’t want to miss anything--any tear, any smile… anything. Her expression was gentle, but seemed somehow empty. “Please good Lord, please don’t do this to me! I recognize that I have failed, I know that I did wrong! This woman does not deserve to die! Who dies at the hands of Angels?!” The tears were shaking him now, almost violently. It was so hard for him to breathe. He would not leave her…
He couldn’t feel the rise and fall of her chest, and he could barely hear it if he strained. It was so horrible to have her there, limp across his lap, knowing that she was fading and there was no rope to hold onto. All he could do was cry, and so that was all he did. Cry, as she lay there, motionless and weak. Her fragile hand reached to brush the silvered hair from his eyes, softly trying her best to direct him so that he could look at her. He felt the gentle touch, as alert as he was, trying to cling to what life was left in her, and he leaned back a little, just a few inches from her. He peered into her eyes and the haziness of them frightened him. A gentle smile was again forming across her lips. She appeared so tired, as if she was sick, but he knew that was not what this was. This was the final test of one’s character. Keep it calm while you fade away. Leave one last mark.
“Don’t give up when I am no longer here. I want to watch you, to see you continue, to see what you did with your life. Do not throw it away without me. You are wonderful, Sagenai. I want to watch you go on. Promise me…”
Go on? It seemed absurd! How was he supposed to do that? How? But here she was asking this one thing of him after he had failed her so. Slowly, he nodded. He had to do this; he owed it to her.
Excerpt 3   
09:44pm 05/07/2006
  Keep going. Keep running. No time to stop. Her lungs were starved of oxygen with all the running, but to stop could mean discovery. What if someone else had been near and she didn't know it? They could be on her tail.

Words. Words has scraped her cosciousness. Her name. Desperation. Why? What was wanted of her? Who had called her? She did not have time to go back. The adrenaline would not stop mercilessly injecting into her, making her heart race and body tingle at the thought of being apprehended. What would be the point, if she made such a risky journey, for it all to end now? There wasn't one. She had to keep going.

Still, her mind wandered to the words she could not grasp. Were they important? Maybe. But her life was more precious. Keep running. Don't stop. Don't falter. Don't hesitate. Just run. And run, she did.

Until she felt it. Down she went. Something had obstructed her path. What? She didn't know. Pain enveloped her body, wrapping it in an insatiable cocoon. She shivered and felt herself writhe. She didn't know where she was. All she knew was that she hurt, and badly. She curled in upon herself... and the world dimmed out.

Excerpt Number Two: --   
06:59pm 09/11/2005
mood: accomplished
His eyes emptied of expression as he watched her, daring her to do something like that again. She would not. At least not yet. “It would be a shame for a pretty girl like you to lose her life so early.”
She could do not but give him a cold stare. She would not say anything to that. She felt if she tried to say anything at all he would take it like she was begging for her life and that, she would not do. The wicked grin was still upon the soldier’s lips as he looked her up and down in such a weighing way. It was almost as if he had thought her a whore on the market. A shudder coursed down her spine.
This girl was pathetic. She felt she could so easily hide from him? The disciplines brought to him while he was on duty kept him highly aware of what was around him by instinct now. This girl was afraid and there was nothing she could do about it. A bored sigh slid over his lips as he kept his harsh eyes locked with hers; she would have to give in eventually. These types of situations could bring a guilty man to his knees, just to stop the pressure. The soldier arched a brow, waiting. She had a lot of courage, that was already obvious. If any of the others had found her here, she wouldn’t be given a chance to be imprisoned. She would simply die, beaten by the hands of those who had found her. No mercy, no bargaining. They didn’t care. They became so territorial at the thought of some tramp invading their house of God, which wasn’t so holy at all. Now that he thought about it, the statues of the angels on the inside, God, if they could see what had become of the place. Should the stone of their sculpted bodies be a window to the world they left behind, they would see just how tattered it had all become.
This girl was so young. For an instant, the cold lead around his heart melted as he looked at her, observing the youth behind her full features, and the innocence that lay behind her eyes. Shaking his head, another sigh slid over his lips as he approached her. It would be a shame, but duty was duty. He laid a hand on her shoulder before she had a chance to move back, gripping it so hard that her knees nearly buckled at the feeling of the pinched muscle. Gritting her teeth, she refused to make any sort of noise. The soldier yanked at her, pulling her away from the church she could have hidden herself in.
“You’re lucky I’m the one that found you, my dear.” There was something mocking in his voice and it made her feel sick.
“Am I? It does not seem so.” She muttered the words, though they had been spit out in an acidic tone. There was no point in respecting this soldier as her father would have had her do. After all, he was taking her to her death. Or at least that’s what he thought he was doing. Turning her face to the side, where he could not see it, she smiled mischievously. This may have been the first time she was actually caught, but she had thought about it before. She knew what she would do.
“You ought to watch your tongue, girl.” He found himself wrinkling his nose at her, the response coming out in a growl as he jerked her along. She was moving, a little on her own--enough to stay on her own feet--but the rest of the effort had to come from him. It was vaguely like tugging around a large rag doll. “Would you stop that? Come on now, it’s your own fault for being here. I’m just doing my job.”
“You think they would really notice if I had been here? It is not like I pillaged the place. I just came to pray.”
The simplicity of her last statement made him pause. Why were they so protective of this place? It was a simple beaten down church. And in the case of any church, anyone should have been welcome. Ah, well, he shouldn’t question these things. He shouldn’t think things that he would not be willing to say, as they told him. He opened his mouth to speak, to tell her she knew she should not have been here, but he couldn’t. She had said all she wanted to do was pray, and if he told her that it would be as if he was forbidding her from doing so. No one had the right to tell anyone they could not pray to God. He had nothing to say to her.
“Are you saying it is a sin for me to pray?” she said as she eyed him, arching a brow. She knew the words would sting him, and she had said them with that very intent, although the faithful Christian in her felt guilty for doing such a thing with those nasty intentions. Again, the soldier said nothing. “I don’t even know your name and here you are about to drag me off to my death.”
“I am without yours as well! Besides, I don’t see why you would want the name of one leading you to your demise! What a ridiculous thing to say!”
Well, not exactly. It was possible for him to become attached. He was still human, even after all the rigorous drilling that had tried to teach him otherwise. Without realizing it, he had stopped. He had let himself sink into thought without thinking about the fact that he had someone in tow right now, and should probably keep going.
Taharial, as he stopped, of course stopped as well. Very gently, she slipped her wrist from his hold and crept around so that she was in front of him. His eyes appeared so dazed, and as she came into view, it appeared to shake off. His stare became hard and he knew he should reach for her, restrain her, but he did not.
“Look, no one is going to know if you let me go. No one saw me but you. So, why not let me go? I will not say anything.” Her tone was straight forward; she didn’t exactly feel like begging. The soldier looked her up and down a few times and then there was a look of surrender in his cold eyes. After all, she was right. No one would find out.
“Go.” That’s all he said. In one rough note, the word exited his lips and his eyes flickered warningly; she should go now before he changed his mind.
Taharial looked at him a moment longer before she turned away. Her cloak flailed out behind her as she strode off into the blackness that still enveloped the world, but before she was out of earshot, she heard it.
And she let herself keep going.
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[/emo fit]   
04:03pm 01/11/2005
mood: confused
I don't know what that was about. Still confused by it. My brain hurts. Eh. o_o'

Yuki you are the Smex!

I had to get that out. French Maid costume. That's my explanation. It was pretty sweet. I'm tired. Not going to rant anymore. Not in the mood. My brain is like...lagging. Love you Kay.

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Recognition . . .   
09:14am 01/11/2005
mood: worried

Am I more than you bargained for yet?

I've recently noticed [via LJ] that Alli has been upset. Or at least became upset yesterday. I noticed she wasn't talking as much yesterday, and I figured something might be up, but what bothers me is I can't figure out what. Argh. Maybe if she sees this she'll tip me. I have no idea. Please, let me know Alli, if you see this.

I been dyin' to tell you anything you wanna hear, cause that's just who I am this week.

Please forgive me if you think I've been oblivious to it. I do worry about you. I just don't like to make people feel smothered or obligated to tell me anything. I'm here if they decide to, but I won't make them. I can't. I love you, forgive me . . .

Lie in the grass, next to the masoleum. I'm just a notch in your bed post, but you're just a line in a song.

I've been having a rough time, and sometimes I tune things out in those situations that I don't realize. I'm male, ergo I'm not the smartest creature on the face of the Earth. I'm sorry if I've hurt you in any way, but please remember that I am here for you if you need it. I'm going to be here no matter how many fights we get in or how much you start to hate me, or how much you think I hate you. Think. I never would actually hate you. I can't.

Drop a heart, break a name, we're always sleeping in and sleeping for the wrong team.

I'm wondering how that Light in the Night thing went. I never went to it, although one of the artists I love was performing. I miss talking to you, Alli. Or more it's the fact that I somewhat feel that there's this cold barrier there, and I can't even hold a casual conversation with you . . . is that wrong? God I hope not. I don't want you to feel like I think your feelings are nothing. I can't stand people being angry at me. I really can't. I get this horrible feeling that just won't go away. I probably sound pathetic right now, but who gives a damn?

We're going down, down in an earlier round and sugar we're going down swinging. I'll be your number one with the bullet, a loaded God complex cock it and pull it.

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The Excerpt! Yessss.   
05:38pm 26/10/2005
A Trail of Sin

The winter air was something he had gotten used to years ago. It no longer bothered him, not that it had much in the first place; he was immune to the cold. Inside, he wished he was immune to so much more. Warmth meant nothing to him, but the pains in his chest were slowly tugging him from the shores of life, to drift off into a dream-like state…to the end. That’s what this would do, bring the end of him. Clenching his fists and drawing his eyes tightly shut, he tried to push the thoughts away, to no avail. They would not leave him. It was a heavy curse that refused to be lifted, a curse that he had put upon himself. Unknowingly, of course, but it was still there.
Frost had long since begun to collect across the blades of grass. They appeared almost supernatural, kissed by the lips of a hardened angel who had been banished from the supernal existence above. That’s what he felt like. Banished. He shook his head again. No. Be gone. It was coming again. His chest tightened and he felt the pains surge down his arms, claiming his being again. He bit his lip, the red liquid seeping slowly from it. It didn’t even hurt anymore. He was helpless. Even his own body was beyond his control. The blood slipped over his lips, leaving a staining trail along his chin. It was pulsing through him… his eyes narrowed, but the sting of tears was coming again. He wasn’t crying because of the pain, but because of the realization that went along with it. He was not himself anymore, he was not in control of his own being, and thus, he was not in control of his very life, or loss thereof.
His world was so fragile, and these episodes had cracked the very glass it was made of so many times. Now it was on the verge of caving in into the millions of little pieces it had somehow been separated into. Nothing would be recognizable after that. There would be no point to anything anymore. So why did he fight it? The moment the glass came cascading in, he would be released. Without purpose or reason, he would be able to slip from the vision of the world and those he loved, and have no regrets, for there would be nothing left there for him. There would be nothing for him to strive to protect. He had forfeited his own innocence to shield them. He had seen the blood, spilled the blood, shed the blood. It was a vicious cycle that somehow always kept on turning. Like the chime of the clock as the midnight hour surfaced, the pain and the blood was inevitable.
“Stop,” the sound came from his lips in a hoarse whisper, as if it was hard for him to even speak. It was hopeless. He knew it wouldn’t help. He couldn’t face this thing that tormented him face to face; it was himself. And then he felt the tears slip down. He felt them, but they were not warm. They were so cold. And then, the whole area around him seemed to become blurry, hazed. No protest was left inside him anymore, and he felt something inside his being shatter, melt away into some hidden place. Then, and only then, everything became blank, darkened…black.

Bitter And Cold

The sanctuary was empty. The stone pillars stood in an almost reverent silence, their scarred bodies adding the graceful ancient feeling of the place. A woman was upon her knees on the stone floor, before the statue of Afriel, eyes closed, head lowered. No sound came from her lips. The great ceilings arched overhead like some sort of watchful eye, though it was hard to see exactly where the top was at this hour. It was so dark, they could have stretched on forever. The cathedral was empty, in a tranquil silence, although the place seemed to play tricks on it’s visitors. The aura about it was enveloping, welcoming, but warning. Something about the place seemed distant and almost cold. The woman kneeling before the statue felt the feeling wash through her, her heart was pounding, but she needed to be here. She felt afraid, although this was a house of God. The statues seemed to be so majestic, but protective, and she feared them. It almost felt like Afriel, God’s angel of the protection of children, would spring to life and smite her and she would be dead where she kneeled, enclosed in this ancient place until someone found her. Were she in an every day situation, she could imagine people would think her positively unstable to say such things. This place was a place of peace, not of wrath. She had come to seek help. Have mercy, please have mercy.
She heard the flutter of wings, a heavy sudden sound that caused her to draw in her breath, the sound echoing around her. Her eyes snapped open and she directed them to the broken stained-glass window, seeing the fleeting image of some crow, disappearing into the darkness. An uneasy feeling grasped her and she glanced up at the statue of Afriel, his face so blank, chin lifted upward to observe his home, the heavens, his hands down at his sides, slightly outward, and open as if he was embracing those below. The great being looked so gentle, but empowered. She got herself to her feet and looked at him, though he was still much taller than she. She edged closed to him, reaching out to touch the angel’s perfectly sculpted collar. She hesitated, fingers outstretched, but halted in midair. Shuttering, she reached further, until her fingers touched the cold stone. Almost immediately, a sense of guilt surrounded her. She was not to touch Afriel. He was so much higher, so holy. Do not contaminate, do not dirty him. She directed her eyes away in a lowly gesture of submission. Slowly pulling her fingertips away she closed her eyes.
“You, girl. What are you doing?”
In instinct, she covered her face and head with the hood of the ebony cloak around her and ducked low, before rising. She gave the angel a fleeting look and then disappeared into an adjacent room, hoping who ever it was that had spoken would let her simply leave. No. She heard the footsteps as she passed through a room similar to the last, statues lining it, a small altar in the front, decorated with an old heavy piece of deep red velvet, a gold cross embroidered upon the face of it. She quickened her pace. She needed to get away.
How sad it was that the church was to be a place of safe keeping, of sanctuary, where anyone could go to escape their troubles. That was what it was supposed to be, anyway. She had taken a great risk in coming here. Only holy men were allowed here now, but when she was small she had come here so many times with her father, she had gotten to know the place, and the name of every angel that each statue represented. Michael; protection, power. Gabriel; love, tolerance, gratitude. Jophiel; illumination, wisdom, perception. Raphael; healing, consecration, truth. Uriel; devotion, peace. Zadiel; refinement, transformation. Afriel; protection of children. Taharial; purity. There were so many. She knew them all. So many decorated walls flashed by as she moved throughout the rooms. She could still hear the footsteps; they were becoming more rapid, more determined. He would not find her. She knew this place too well.
Taharial. So appropriate. It had been her namesake. Although she snuck into the church, that was her only ‘crime’ if it could be considered one. She was as pure as purity was realistically able to be. She came to the church with good intentions. Her small brother was chained to his bed by the sickness that plagued him, and she only wanted to wish it away. Nothing else had worked, and so she came to pray to Afriel. There were so many that were not faithful to God anymore. They were all absorbed in their own pleasures, pushing Him aside as if He was second to everything else.. Taharial had been raised better than that. Until his death, her father had told her to do God’s will, to seek his help should ever she need it. If he had not been so faithful and earnest, she wouldn’t be herself. She wanted to uphold her father’s wishes. Even the holy men went out and engaged in so many horrible things. They bet upon fights, and cheered as the opposing side was hurt or killed even, letting it pass as something that was normal. Holy men, men of God, they watched people die and cheered. Cheered as their very life was stolen from them before God wished for them to pass. They supported this monstrosity. What was this world coming to? Good God, it was all hell.
Stop chasing, stop chasing. Be gone with you! The man wasn’t giving up. His pace quickened, and unexpectedly, it sounded closer. Taking a quick glance around she dashed behind a large statue of Michael, the arch angel and crouched there, beneath his beautiful stone body. The artist had done such a good job with his structure, it was wondrous although it was old. The artist had been before their time, although the trademark parts of the age were still there. The eyes were empty, as they were with the other angels as well. Pressing her back against Michael, shielded by the stony, billowing cloak that enveloped him, she closed her eyes and held her breath. Her heart was pounding.
‘Please don’t let him see me.’ That was all that was going through her mind. To be discovered had dire consequences.
The steps came and her heart beat faster, fighting to release itself from her chest where she thought it would surely die. The steps stopped. He was examining the room, looking for her. She only hoped he would stay his distance from that statue of the great protector.
‘Oh, God, let him pass over me.’ The steps in the room were slower, as if he was searching more fervently, but she couldn’t see him. She had to control the urge to peek around the angel at the man, curious as to where he was, and how close to done he was with his examination. She waited there, controlling her breathing, lungs beginning to feel starved for air. She felt as if she could not be quiet enough. And then, several minutes later she heard the steps continue and slowly become fainter and fainter, until she could not hear them at all.
Releasing a heavy sigh, she relaxed against the stone of the angel who had protected her, muttering a quiet thanks under her breath, she almost lovingly stroked the sculpted folds of his cloak. It was over. He was gone and she was safe. Thank the saints!
‘God bless you, Michael. God bless you!’ Rising to her feet, Taharial leaned her shoulder against the form of the angel, closing her eyes, letting her body sink into a state of calm again. Her muscles slowly relaxed and she felt the adrenaline draining away, she felt the tingling fade. Stepping around the angel, to position herself before him, she took a moment to marvel at his glorious body, and although it should not have been there, a tiny bit of lust was awakened within her. Shaking her head she cleared the thoughts away. She wasn’t perfect.
She glanced toward the archway of the door and began making her way toward it, slipping the hood of her cloak down to her shoulders. She felt too hot to have it up and guarding her face so closely. Shaking her chestnut colored hair free, she slid a hand back to guide it away from her neck, tilting her head back with a great sigh of relief as she almost instantly felt herself cool down with the new air. With one last glance over her shoulder at the angel, she gently bowed her head in respect. The arch angel had proved free to his purpose. She had been protected. Glancing out the broken window that she had been so startled by earlier, she was delighted to see that it was still dark. She had time to make it home without having to worry about people finding out she had been gone in the first place. That stranger had not seen her face. It would all be okay.
She made her way down the carpeted aisle, paying no attention the pews on both sides of her, until she reached the great doors. Pressing herself against them, she heard them creak open, and as they did she was greeted with a cool rush of air against her body and face, sending to cloak to wrap about her snugly. The moon had disappeared, but there were a few stars visible between the clouds, like beads nested in the rips of a bridal veil, an unexplained beauty. Turning away from the breath-taking view, she tugged hard to shut the doors behind her. Tasks done, she faced the small path again.
There he was. That man. It could be no other. The way he was standing with his arms crossed and brow cocked, he must have been the one. He looked as if he had been waiting. Swallowing hard, she wanted to run but could not. She was stuck in the spot where she stood. Having thought she had narrowly escaped, she was shocked at his sudden appearance. Her mouth opened to form some fumbled excuse, but he would hear none of it.
“What do you think you are doing here?” His voice was quiet, yet harsh and forbidding. His eyes were flashes of silver against gray. He looked so ferocious, like a wolf waiting to pounce upon its prey. He was clothed in what looked like a soldier’s uniform, red coat with small gold decorations, and black pants with boots that looked brand new, as far as she could see. Of course, she had taken this examination of him in a span of mere seconds. She couldn’t respond and stupidly, she let the silence flow. He looked rather ominous.
“You know you are not allowed.” The man’s voice was stern. His arms had not left his chest. The eyebrow was still arched as if he expected something from her, and he gave decent pause for her, but she did not speak for quite some time.
“Let me pass.” Was all she said. She let her deep eyes lock with his in a challenging way, waiting for him to clear for her. He did not budge. Gritting her teeth and gathering a long-forgotten courage, she stormed forward, attempting to shove past him when he grabbed her shoulder so hard it made her yelp.
“I could take you to the gallows and they’d have a hell of a lot of fun with a little rebel like you, missy.”
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Eeto . . . doshite?   
05:14pm 26/10/2005
mood: thirsty
I can't figure it out. DDR songs are probably the most annoying songs in the history of mankind, and yet they're strangely addicting. I blame Angie. I have her Xanga open right now and it's looped on Smile.dk's "Butterfly" . . . Angel has an addiction to said song and I suppose that is why she leaves it. Angie, you are far too passive for your own good. Stand up for yourself and your song! . . .

I think I got the random out for now. Yeah, later on in this entry I'll post the poem and the excerpt. Or maybe I'll be cruel and just post one and make you wait for the other. This is an interesting thought. So glad I finally ate something. I just had a strange urge for CapriSun. How weird is that. -twitches- Anyway. From the feedback I've gotten from Yuki so far, both the poem and novelishness is going rather well. I hate starting new ones though because it seems like I have to get through all this stuff that is positively boring to write before I can get to anything interesting and start toying around. Gaaaah! And I also hate beginnings because they have a tendacy to sound the most retarded out of all of it, when you're looking back. This, my friends, is why editting is a good thing. Through your writing experience, at least with most people, your writing skills become more acute and trained. However, if you have no imagination, it's just not going to work! So stop living inside the box!
And on to something more meaningful!Collapse )
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01:09pm 24/10/2005
mood: creative
I wrote a rather creepy poem the other day. I'll make sure to post it later. Haven't got the patience to type it up in here right now. Whyyyy hasn't ED commented? Yes I mentioned you. Your identity is now available to the public, assuming they know which ED I'm talking about. Odds are they don't. xD

And yet again my friends, the world makes sense!Collapse )

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11:14am 22/10/2005
mood: cheerful
=D Yeah.... Pretty random with the title. Mostly because for some reason, my brain has been sidetracked with Invader Zim today. Completely random show, but it's funny. Mainly Gir, anyhow. xD; Me and Yuki obssess. It's great. I'm half asleep, I think. Yes, at 11:15, I'm still sleepy, but once I wake up, I wake up and there's no getting me to go back to sleep. It just won't happen. >.>; I'm hungry too, though. Don't know why. I just ate a little bit ago.

So . . . yeah. It's Saturday. Happy Homecoming, Yuki and Alli and Jess, and Nate. Right. Have fun with that. Wonder how that play is going to go. Good, I hope. Break a leg all you peoples that are in it. I don't even remember what it is. Oh, yeah, The Miracle Worker. Helen Keller and whatnot. That should be interesting. I'm happy. I get to exert like... creative energy on Wednesday, singing with the band again. Gah, I just love it. It's so much fun for me... I feel really happy when I do. Natural high like thing going on... Sort of like when Athletes get used to running every morning so much that their bodies get used to it and they do it by habit, almost like an addiction... that's how I am with playing guitar and singing... Yeah.

So, more consistent on updating on this than my Xanga lately it seems, but we'll see how that goes in time. Coolest movie right now: Corpse Bride. It was great. Seen it like three times now. D= Addiction! Again. Yeah, I have a lot of addictions, none of which are any sort of narcotics. So that's...good. Anyway... out for now...

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Survey thingy!   
05:51pm 20/10/2005
Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!
Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.
You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.

You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable
Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life
By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.

Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.
Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.
No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

There we go. That was interesting.
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03:49pm 17/10/2005
  I am
A little bit a loneliness, a little bit a disregard

Yeah. Things have been major chaotic. It's really hard to deal with sometimes. I think things have settled, the dust has cleared up and maybe things will be okay. Not sure. Hoping though. I don't even know if anyone reads this. Heh. Not that I'm complain.

Hand full of complaints, but I can't help the fact that everyone can see these scars.

Family life is unchanged, but I manage to deal with it. I'm glad I have the people in my life that I do, supporting me. It means a lot to me that they keep pushing through, helping me along when they can. Even the littlest bit of reassurance, the littlest bit of encouragement . . . It helps so much. I appreciate you guys, even if I never get around to saying it. I worry sometimes about how I sound when saying that...

I am
What I want you to want, what I want you to feel.

I know sometimes I must be really hard to deal with. I don't mean to be that way. I know I'm flawed, and I know I can't undo anything I've done in the past. That doesn't mean I don't regret it. No one's perfect and I'm no exception. My world was crashing down for the longest time. I felt trapped, and I think it may have cleared up... a whole lot.

But it's like no matter what I do I can't convice you to just believe this is real.

I owe a lot to all of you. And I feel horrible for some of the things that have taken place. So... I'm sorry. Deeply sorry. I love you all. I love you Kay.

So I let go watching you, turn your back like you always do.

I felt like everything was just rubbing me the wrong way. I still do in some ways, but it is dramatically better. You all know I hate being emo. Emo is just...bah. I don't ever want to be that way, but everyone is at one point or another, aren't they?

Face away and pretend that I'm not, but I'll be here cause you're all that I got.

So, in conclusion... my world has been mended thanks to a lot of you. =D Kay.... Love you.
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Hamster Dance.   
08:12pm 16/10/2005
  Okay, I blame Yuki. I can't stop listening to the music. It is the most annoying sounding thing, but it's funny and now I can't quit listening to it. Blah. Oh well. I can't ever stay mad at the Yuki. I have no backbone when it comes to her. o_O' That could seem really really wrong. I won't go there. And no, we don't have any sexual relations. So you know... But heh. Oh well. Why did I just say that? o_o' I really didn't mean to. It was just to continue on... Bored with myself now. I wonder if Alli has her act straight yet? Not sure. She messed with Yuki last night. Pissed me off. I don't like people mistreating her. We've been really good friends for a long time. So, yeah.

But I have to get going. XD Other stuff to occupy myself with.

The Piano Duet   
07:50pm 14/10/2005
  Currently listening to the Piano Duet from Corpse Bride, which I adore. I've become addicted to it. Then again, to me, Tim Burton is like...Wah! I knew it would be good when I heard it came from him, although I will admit that some of his short films were less than impressive. Vincent. Now that was interesting. I'm half-asleep, half not. And I don't even know why. I'm not really tired. At least I don't think I am. >.> Anyway, this is one of those just rambling to fill up space entries. Done rambling now.